Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
