sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize