i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
