Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
