youre lurking in front of me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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