How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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