Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize