don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize