So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Porn is love you can see.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
