the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
