All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
