Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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