he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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