Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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