oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize