Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
birth control should be required to get into college
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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