peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
