strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
