she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
