I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
