I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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