I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
