Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
