that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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