Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
