Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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