Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
