he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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