I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
