as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
