Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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