ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
