I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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