i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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