Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
