You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
