i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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