Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's never too late to be topless.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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