I wanna bring you to show and tell
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
