Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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