I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
