morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
