Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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