my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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