Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
