You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
