I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I need mimosas to revive my soul
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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