ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
