didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
