literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
