i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
