I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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