drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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