P.S. I can't hear my feet
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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