So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
porn star boner night. come get it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
