The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
