we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
