proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
