So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
