ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
