I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
