I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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